Arthur C. Barnett's Mysterious World

There are mysteries around every corner. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool, a charlatan and/or Ezra Pound, without an ounce of poetry in their soul (I personally have 3.02 grams of poetry in my soul).

With this in mind, I embarked on a patch expedition to get to the heart, of the kernel, of the crux of these riddles, that have puzzled precisely no-one since the dawn of time. Camera grasped to my sweaty palm like a diseased sailor (nonsensical similes ahoy) I embarked on the Odyssey of a Lunchtime, armed only with my ‘weak lemon drink’…and some clothes…and shoes…and the aforementioned camera.

'Giants Back-Alley'

The first port of call was the conundrum, not known in these parts as ‘Giant's Back Alley’ (also ‘Large Person’s Lego’). These ‘building bricks’ were on a truly gargantuan scale, with a girth and breadth of...oh…easily…..that much.

Did celebrity giant, Fin Mctool use this site as a dry run for his later piece – the famous ‘Causeway’. Is it performance art? Is there a sense in which it works on several levels? Will it ever be finished?

A more prosaic explanation is that these are the stones that previously belonged to some kind of ‘building’ as it were – who can say...perhaps we’ll never know.

Mystery one – nailed it.

'The Fire Trees of Doom'

Buoyed by having definitely solved my first mystery I strode on with the confidence of a small anteater. I felt like some latterday ‘Richard Dawkins’, debunking sloppy thinking left, right and centre, one god delusion at a time - whilst getting really annoyed at religious fanatics and totally loving the evolution.

The next stop in my patch puzzle pilgrimage was the breathtaking ‘Fire Trees of Doom’.

Dude, this really is an all-time top eight mystery! It’s a cornucopia of confusement and a plethora of perplexitude. This is also ’something like a phenomenon’, which only happens at certain times of the day – nearly always in the morning – a fact that only deepens the mystery.

Certain fir trees appear to glow! Yes that's right you heard correctly - hold off the ear syringing for the moment. They are backlit with an eerie radiance, looking for all the world like a star (or a kind of ‘sun’, if you will) rising up in the background!

Is this a magical transmission from a sparkly netherworld of sprites and spirits? …or maybe celestial yobbos starting a fire for no reason??...or maybe these are glowworms on a truly industrial scale??

The answer…it’s definitely a magical transmission from a sparkly netherworld of sprites and spirits.

Mystery 2 - cracked! 

The Hatch (also of Doom)

Warming to my task, like an underwater salesman, I proceeded to the best, boldest and baddest of all possible enigmas - The Hatch!!! This is also of course 'of doom'.  Viewers of the long-running reality series, ‘Lost’ will be well aware of the significance of a hatch.

What we learnt from the well-researched and easy-to-follow documentary was that ALL hatches lead down to a chamber, in which sits a little Scotsman, preventing a global catastrophe by the simple expedient of pressing a button.

This hatch was, of course, no exception - I shouted down to the Jailed Jock –‘don’t bother pressing the button, it’s just a poorly explained psychological experiment – no disastrous consequences will ensue if you don’t do it”. He shouted back ‘oh, ok’.

Mystery 3 Solved!

And so I returned home, tired but happy in the knowledge that the final pieces in the jigsaw of time had fallen at my feet.

Bestriding the mysteries of the patch like a bloomin’, big colossus? – job done! where's me breaky. Get this


  1. Sounds like you've been having fun... (Are there many fly agarics up your way?) ;)

    1. Yes a few :) - just back from Dorset hols yesterday


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